What embracing my introversion has taught me about growth

A photo Catherine sent to be featured with this piece

By Catherine Garcia, as told to (and ghostwritten by) Haley Young as part of a series spotlighting participants in a passion-project incubator called Gignite

I mastered the art of pretending to be an extrovert in high school. When I got to college, I discovered that alcohol could help me further play the part  — I went out four nights a week with my friends.

Outwardly, I was fitting in beautifully.

Inwardly, I was screaming.

I wasn’t building necessary downtime into my schedule to recharge. My peers didn’t seem to need it, so I didn’t give it to myself.

I have a rich, imaginative inner world, and I’m highly sensitive to other humans . Their sights, their sounds, and their suffering.

I think about my place in the world and where I fit in all the time. I didn’t see these traits reflected in my peers, so I started to wonder if I was weird.

But then I found a website called Introvert, Dear.

All of a sudden I was thrust into a community of people like me, an entire collection of humans who could understand my temperament and could relate to my experiences.

Realizing that I wasn’t alone was nothing short of liberating.

Before I found the introvert world, I always felt like a fake. Forcing myself to fit in made me unhappy because I wasn’t living the life I wanted to.

Sometimes the world still feels like it’s weighing heavily on my shoulders, but I now have a framework to understand why I experience things the way I do.

The process of getting to know and embrace myself has been the defining journey of my life. It has been a bumpy road, learning how to be authentic and how to use my abilities in the real world.

I’m still not perfect at it.

But I have to be myself to make anything work.

Five years ago I was going through what I look back on as a “midlife crisis”. I was part of a different company, experiencing a difficult time personally, and I made reckless decisions.

I didn’t buy a ridiculous car or go skydiving, but in the name of self-improvement and putting myself out there, I traveled with money I didn’t have.

I attended conferences about movie music, web design, and one called the World Domination Summit  — look it up.

I did things I normally wouldn’t do. Now I wonder if I was trying to again change myself in order to fit in with the world.

Today, my priorities have shifted.

I seek personal growth that stems from my innate gifts and nature, rather than try to change them.

In 2015, I joined the founding team and helped develop the technology for a video streaming software-as-a-service startup. We rented space at 100state, Madison’s largest coworking space.

Working there, I got to be around dozens of entrepreneurs and creatives chasing their vastly different ideas and starting their own businesses. I was inspired by that diversity.

When the startup went through a difficult financial time and had to reduce the salaries on our team, we all made sacrifices.

My boss considered working at a supermarket stocking shelves at night.

I canceled every subscription, membership, and expense I could live without and accepted my parents’ help with groceries.

Another colleague took up a part-time job at a quilt shop in order to pay the bills.

When she showed me the quilt shop’s newsletter, I couldn’t help but notice a lot of ways it could be improved. I sent the shop a sample of what I could do for them  —  and they loved it.

All of a sudden, I had my first client.

Initially, I was just planning to make some money on the side, but the gears started to turn and the pieces fell into place.

If I didn’t want to take on a part-time job working for someone else like some of my colleagues, could I instead start a business of my own?

I never would have thought it possible to start my own business, except that I saw others doing it. I was surrounded by this community that makes you believe you can  —  and that’s one of the reasons I was drawn to Gignite.

In the span of a few days, I went online, completed the necessary paperwork, and created my own LLC. I started to think I could really do this!

The timing is good, too. My startup is entering a new stage, and while I deeply want to see what I helped create through to completion, I’m not sure if I’ll stay past this transition.

I’ve begun to believe in my own possible future without this other thing that I’ve been a part of for so long, and I never could have done that if I hadn’t learned to understand and accept myself.

I’m now a 45-year-old woman with her own company specializing in digital marketing services for other women with local small businesses.

While I still struggle with the isolation my introversion brings at times — and my sensitivity to the weight of the world — I’m an introvert, and I own it. I’m content with most of my reality.

I have learned, fundamentally, to survive.

I’ve learned to survive in a world that caters to people who aren’t like me. I’ve learned to survive through tumultuous transitions. I’ve learned to survive while staying true to myself and my personality type.

There are times that I’ve felt very alone, and times I still do.

I don’t think that those moments will ever fully go away… but I am proud of being resilient.

I am proud that, despite everything, I have gotten this far.

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